How to Write a Disastrous CV

Having worked in HR field for quite some time a couple of years ago, I have received and processed uncountable CVs for many kinds of job positions – from interns to managerial level. I definitely had a fun time looking into these CVs one by one, and now I feel capable enough to write about what NOT to do when it comes to writing your CV – unless you intend to make it a disastrous one!


  1. Put a ridiculous photograph.
    Let me give you an example. My colleague and I once received a CV where the applicant attached his wedding photo to it. And trust me, it wasn’t a pretty one, haha! It was this traditional wedding where the couple needed to take a creepy profile picture, looking straight into the camera like a passport photo. Oh God. Some other time, we also received a CV from a woman with a photo where 95% of it is her cleavage. OK, I’m exaggerating, but you know what I mean.

    cv-photo
    (source)

  2. Include a funny email address.
    You probably own this email address that you have had since junior high school or so. Yeah, something that goes like ‘rocknroll.rod69@yahoo.com’ or ‘cute_happy_gurl101@mrpotatohead.com’. Well, I had this kind of email address, too, when I was younger. Back then, during school years, it was considered creative to have a ‘unique’ email address. But now, in a so-called professional world, how are you gonna expect the employer to take you seriously?

    funny-email-address-2
    (source)
    funny-email-address-1
    (source)

  3. Don’t care about your grammar or spelling.
    Yup. Cause who cares when the recruiter has a hard time understanding the content of your CV cause your writing is so messy, right? As long as you are qualified for the job position you apply – which does not require you to be a good writer. Well, my friend, if you are that weak in grammar and spelling (even in your native language – cause seriously, that can happen), asking a friend to help you with it is not a bad idea at all. Or maybe you have heard of a spell checker?

    grammar-spelling-on-cv
    (source)

  4. Write every single (f*ckin’) detail about yourself.
    When you’re applying for a job, you need to show that you’re the best candidate for the vacant position to your targeted employer. Surely this is the best time for you to show you REALLY are! Write every accomplishment you had, include all the things that make you so unique – even those old part-time jobs during university that are not related to the job applied! Make sure you get the recruiter amazed (read: bored) enough by your very-detailed-resume.

    long-cv
    (source)

  5. Address it to another employer/company.
    A CV normally would come together with a cover letter. The best way to get your CV thrown away or deleted immediately is to address the cover letter to a wrong employer/company. You’re lucky if they even respond to your application. If you don’t trust me, just try it. Apply for a job in Milo and mention in the cover letter that you’re very excited to join the all-star team in Ovaltine.

    wrong-company-cv
    (source)

  6. Use Comic Sans font.
    …and if you don’t get the joke, I don’t know how I can explain this :p

    comic-sans-1
    (source)

    comic-sans-2
    (source)

So, on the contrary, how to write a killer CV then? Wait for my next post! Hope you enjoyed reading this one! xxx

Featured image: (source)

hilarious-cv
(source)
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2 Comments Add yours

  1. cK says:

    Very interesting article :)))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. mishajoh says:

      Hi Chika! Thanks for reading it! So honoured to have you here xxx

      Like

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